What is today?

So much for being dead pro-active this year. Instead, I’ve just been dead. I’m finding it impossible to get off my arse and do anything and suddenly its the 2nd February. Balls.

This morning, instead of my usual fix of Derbyshire, I’m listening to A Wizard, A true Star by Todd Rundgren. It’s interesting but a little hard work. I feel I should like this dude and by the lord Allah, I’m going to give it a good go. He’s coming on the show on Thursday. Normally, when we have guests in, I know shit loads about them and it’s a dead easy interview. I don’t know nish about The Rund. I know he produced the XTC Skylarking album and it was fraught with difficulty, and I know the album I’m listening to now is hard work, but that’s it.

Not much else happening here kids. Filming for Nintendo. If you have a Wii and want to check that out, go to the Nintendo channel. It may even be on the YouTube by now. Who knows?  Very excited about Lost starting this Friday. That also means the Lost Initiative Vodcast I present will also be online on Friday, straight after the show. Go to www.sky.com/lost for more there, innit.

Well, while not a laugh riot, I feel I have done something. Now time for the lie down I’ve been promising myself all morning.

Iain

x

Reports of my death have been greatly, you know, made up and ting…

I don’t know why everyone thinks I’ve quit Twitter. I haven’t. I’ve just decided to free myself from the chains that bind.

I have deleted the Twitter app from my iPhone. I found I was checking it too much, Twitter overload. In truth, I had become a Twitter addict. And like a coke fiend, what had started out as fun was now beginning to hurt and hurt bad. I was checking it way too much and actually not enjoying what I saw.

I would never send a message direct to someone calling them a cunt or telling them they had just appeared in the biggest piece of shit ever. Sure, i WOULD say rude things about people but i would never send that message DIRECTLY to them.

2- faced? Possibly. There is a logic in that argument that works for me. But I am prepared to admit it may be flawed and not able to withstand scrutiny. Can I dish it out but not take it? Yeah. It looks that way, doesn’t it. And that’s sad.

Anyway, I shall no longer be calling my dealer every 12 seconds to see if he’s got my stash, or if he’s on his way yet or exactly how far away he is from me as I wait shivering in an alley way to the side of West Hampstead Station. Instead, I will be calling him once in a while just to let him know how I am and what I’m up to. He can stay at home.

x

Procrastination

For all those interested, and I know that’s not many of you, I have managed to stick to my Jezza free lifestyle so far. It’s been tough though, and last week Fandango gave me a right bollocking for sitting down with  cup of tea in one hand and the TV remote in the other at 9.25. I was stunned for a bit, but managed to snap out of my stupor and remember that I had instructed her to stop me from watching said horsehit.

This is all well and good, but I need to fill the time I’m not watching Kyle by doing something productive. But today, I aint. I’m justifying this by reminding myself I have a bad cold and haven’t slept properly for the last few nights, but come on. All I need to do is learn 2 Greek verbs and how to conjugate them and I’ve achieved more than I normally do. I should really be trying to write my radio comedy that I’ve had in my head for about 4 years, but that probably isn’t going to happen today - I’ve got a cold, the room is cold, that cat’s got a cold - there are so many reasons for that project not moving.

So, I’m writing this blog and hoping that either a) this warms me up and gets m motivated to doing some more work or b) it tricks my brain into thinking I HAVE achieved something today and I can then sit back and read my Beatles book.

Balls.

x

Leave Me Alone

Morning.

I have a stinking cold and so my day has been thrown into disarray. Actually, it’s not been that thrown, but the nice lunch I was looking forward to with friends has been cancelled and that has made me sad. Instead, I shall stay in and learn how to conjugate Greek verbs. Wahoo.

I’m sat in the spare room (which I laughingly call The Office) and listening to Danny Baker’s Football Show on Five Live. As you know, I am not really a football fan yes somehow, Lord Baker manages to make it seem like a fun past time. I’m not sure how he does it. I surprised someone yesterday by telling them I love FIFA10 but don’t like watching real football. He was gobsmacked. Is that so odd?

This week I have had a woman on Facebook calling me a racist because I didn’t reply immediately to her response to unfriend one of my ‘friends’ on FB because he was a member of the BNP and other nasty racist organisations. Now, if you have messaged me on FB you will probably know that I very rarely get back in touch. Sometimes I do, but more often than not I simply can’t be bothered. I have a life and surprisingly, social networking sites, while useful, are NOT high priorities in my life. Especially when I have had a week that has involved spending more time than is healthy in hospital with a loved one.

Anyway, this woman, let’s call her Terri McDonald to protect her identity (although her real name is Lori) won’t take the hint and has got increasingly arsey with me - partly because I didn’t reply and Danny Wallace did within an hour. Woo. Well done Danny, good lad! (I know Danny and love him, so please don’t take that last sentence as a dig at the mighty Mr.Wallace. He owns a country for God’s sake)

Sadly, I have deleted Lori’s sanctimonious messages, which is a shame, I would love to have shared them with you. It does annoy me when, simply because I have not replied to someone on a site for teenage girls, I am called a racist. Very arrogant and naughty.

Right, rant over. It’s a beautiful day. Greek to do then a bit of FIFA and a bit more of Lost season 5. Wonderful.

Have fun.

x

Bastard snow. Bastard.

It is snowing. A lot.

Snow is a bastard isn’t it? Someone twittered yesterday, and I paraphrase, ‘You know you’re getting old when the first thing you say when you see snow is Oh Shit’

It’s true. I used to love snow but now it’s just a pain in the arse. Firstly, it means ALL the radio stations are on ‘Snow Watch’. What this actually means is travel and weather reports every 15 minutes where they tell us there is a lot of snow and some roads are closed, and some buses aren’t working and some people are bastards.

Also, I’m very worried that I will be snowed in at the radio station. Yes, I dig my job but I HATE being away from my bed. I do not want to sleep in the studio and this is now a distinct possibility.

Another reason for hating bastard snow is I’ve got shed loads of stuff to do and places I need to be and snow means I may not get there, or if I do, it will take me sodding hours to do so. Sod off. Please snow, stop being a bastard and go.

There was another reason I hated snow but I just got up to take this picture of my garden. Yeah, it looks beautiful, but it’s actually a bastard.

Shit. I can’t seem to upload the picture. Bastard.

First Show Of The Year

Hello ladies. And indeed, gentlemen. Howdy bloody doody.

I am sat here listening to the vague magic of Victoria Derbyshire and metaphorically rubbing my hands with glee at the thought of being back on the airwaves tonight. The movie Face/Off is on the telly, but I know that the majority of my listeners (even the bastards) will choose me over Cage/Travolta. I’m only surprised that Hollywood hasn’t made the same decision yet, but they will Oh yes, they will.

I’m also on a little bit of a buzzy high high because I have just spoken to the radio legend that is James H Reeve. Don’t know who he is, go and do some homework and find out. He is a top bloke and I thoroughly recommend you go to http://mickynwa.com/jameshreeve.aspx and download some of the shows from Key 103 - utter genius. Some may seem a bit slow, stick with them, they are great. God knows why this man isn’t more famous. Anyways, JHR has agreed to come on my show this Thursday night (07/01/10) for 10 minutes for a chitty chat. He asked me what it would be about. I had to be honest and say I didn’t have a clue. And I don’t. Just thought it would be nice to get him on the air.

As for tonights show, well, I’m not sure about that either. I’m thinking of having an amnesty and lifting the ban on everybody what I done banned over past years. What do you think? Any good or am I getting old?

Other topics - well, we’re 11 hours and 20 minutes away from the show so let’s not get carried away with prep.

Ooh, a sitcom I pop up in called The Persuasionists starts next week on BBC2. Yeah, that’s right, proper telly again. Is it any good? Well, it’s certainly better than The All Star Impression Show (but then again, so is having a shit in the kitchenware department of John Lewis) but beyond that, I’m not sure. I’ve seen two episodes and normally I can tell when watching back something I’ve done, but seeing me act is so alien to my eyes that I just shrank in terror at my hair and my wooden talking skills. I think there are definitely some funny bits and some people have said some very nice things about it, but I just can’t tell. Do watch it and let me know your thoughts. I’m not sure what day it’s on, Monday or Tuesday or possibly Wednesday next week at 10pm.

Right, I’m off to John Lewis. I need a new toaster. And a poo.

x

New Years Eve

Yes bitches. It is NYE. Wahoo. Who fancies buying a ticket for £25 to get into a pub and not be able to sit down or even get close to the bar all night?

Not me.

I shall probably be at home, eating Dominos pizza (the king bastard of all pizzas) and watching Poltergeist 2. Perfect.

Anyways, it’s day 3 of me being pro-active and getting off my arse and doing stuff. I have a very lucky life in that my job allows me to sit around for months on end doing sod all. I turn up to the radio station, chat to Eloise, turn up the faders and talk nonsense for 2 hours. Easy. My other jobs have varying degrees of exertion but none of them make me work like a real job does. I’ve had real jobs, and I hated them. Working in HMV in Slough over Christmas - the year that Robson & Jerome were at their peak and having to listen to that horsehit all day, every day? Filling freezers in Bejams and then counting ALL of the food in the big walk in freezer while my balls froze off? Cleaning test tubes and other sundry devices in a laboratory whilst being physically bullied by a Nigerian cleaner? No thanks I’m happy where I am.

But, it does mean I have become even more lazy than usual. And I am, by nature, a very lazy man. So I have decided to stop watching Kyle. Watching Kyle is like having a joint for breakfast - it seems fun but then you lose the energy to do anything and suddenly it’s 9 o’clock at night and you have achieved nothing. So, no Kyle. Instead, I am coming to the spare room, and working. Nothing major - updating this blog, writing some stuff for Nintendo, coming up with ideas and guest lists for the show - but being more productive than I normally am. I’ve been sat here for an hour and a half and I’ve achieved more this morning then I normally do in a week. In a minute, I’m going to call James H Reeve. I’m a little nervous.

Don’t forget, you can post comments on this blog or email me directly iain@iainlee.com - I’m keen to hear your thoughts. Maybe you have suggestions for the show, suggestions for stand up, guest ideas. Or maybe you just want to say hello. It’s all groovy man, all groovy.

Anyways, have a happy new year and we shall meet again in 2010 - aka the future.

Iain

x

Yes, I am bloody well back

Hello ladies and indeed gentlemen.

It has been a sodding long time since I wrote anything for this blog. Back then, when I started it, then, it was going to be a diary of my gentle return to stand up. I got tired typing that and then someone hacked into here and deleted everything and that made me depressed.

Well, depression is over and I have decided to start writing stuff and bits and pieces on here as I go along. Don’t expect anything profound, for I am an idiot (I agreed to be on the All Star Impression Show if you need proof positive of that) but do expect words and mayve pictures and indeed other bollocks as well.

I am sitting here, listening to old Tommy Boyd shows and contemplating my evening. L4D2 for me, and then triffids.

What happens after that?

I am determined to be more pro-active this coming year than I was in 2009. I kind of let me eye wander off the ball onto the the pitch and then up into the sky. I didn’t really push for things and said yes to things that perhaps I shouldn’t (back to All Star Impressions again). With the new vigour that the start of a new year nearly always seems to bring, I shall do my best to do more and that.

Anyways, enough. If you want to ask me anything, send an email to iain@iainlee.com - I will try and answer it honestly on this blog.

Until then, word up bitches.

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